However you cut the cake, marriage is something not many people are prepared for. Many people in the United States prepare more for a wedding than for an actual marriage. When people decide on a wedding, they immediately get to work on small details that will not actually matter when the celebrations are over. Another problem that has come from the modern “ideals" of a wedding is an expensive party that focuses too much on the food rather than the union between two people who love each other. In our society today, we end up focusing too much on the small things and not actually trying to change who we are or what we do for another person.
People who have strained family relationships could easily make or break a marriage. It is not because of the individuals, but because of the environment they had been raised in. People tend to do what they have seen before and cannot easily change the actions that they only have known. Change is hard and will nor occur without consistent effort, and when adding another person into your life, it becomes that much harder. Living with roommates is certainly an aspect of preparing you to live with a spouse, but living becomes that much harder. You have to be willing to live with that person for the rest of your life. You have to be trusting enough to be able to share each other’s emotional baggage. A married life is not one for the weary or immature. If you cannot set aside your selfishness for someone else, then you are not ready to be married.
Marriage will also have struggles, from trying to live with someone for the first few weeks, to having a child. Having children is a task that both parties should be prepared for emotionally and physically. People in the United States often find having children to cause strains in the relationship between the spouses. However, this is not anyone's fault. The reason relationships become more strained is usually due to the fact that one spouse may not be as involved with the child's development than the other. It does not necessarily mean they love the other people less, they just feel as if they do not belong in the new dynamic as the child starts to take the attention of the mother more so than the husband. You must be aware of what actions are taking place in both of the parties, if the marriage is to survive.
What I just described may be what happened in your family, and the family could either end up good, or in divorce. Most parents have trouble trying to raise two children and believe a third will only create more tension. This belief is usually not the case, as the children start to create a sort of system that does not rely on their parents, but leans on each other. I can agree with this theory, as I have three siblings. We all have a role to play and we have a hierarchy in the sibling unit based on age or other factors. It is important to be aware that the system the children have does not have their parents have a lesser authority.
With each stage of preparing for a marriage from dating to child care, each transition brings new opportunities to the family. Although, with each change that occurs also brings risk to the family unit. The family is always trying to find a homeostasis that works for each individual. With these changes, risks will also come with them, you must be willing to take a risk to create a wonderful change in the home.
The youth are the future of the world. When we find value in a loving family, we can find peace in our own homes.
Until next week!
-Grace Coria
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