While I am positive that this topic has been addressed whenever you are in an exclusive relationship with someone else, communication is necessary for having any type of relationship to succeed. People today are always encouraging others to express feelings and claiming it to be more feminine than masculine. In reality, communicating your feelings is not as easy as saying “just talk to each other” and has a lot more steps to effectively get your point across. The main problem with communication is that no one actually has the ability to know another person’s feelings without the person sharing it and willing to be vulnerable to the rest of the world. With the technology we have now, communication is faster than ever, but the quality of the type of communication is less than ideal.
We do not often think about communication when we talk to others on the internet, which has caused a lot of room for contention to grow. There are essentially three main components when having a real life conversation with another person, there are words, tone, and the non-vocal cues. The words are essentially what we say to another person, and do not have any other meaning behind them. An example of just the words being put across would be exactly what I am doing now, there is a tone of voice given until read by another person. I could be sarcastic or angry in my thought process, but there would be no indication given from just words alone. Tone is the next part of communication, and tone has a large emphasis on what the other person is truly feeling. You are able to emphasize with someone that sounds upset, or be excited for someone else. When in a conversation you usually mimic the other person’s energy or try to match them to try to understand what the other is feeling. The Non-vocal cues come from body language, physical motion, facial expressions and everything in between. Dancing is similar to the Non-vocal cues, as you are expressing your feelings without using words or language to describe emotions.
The three components all have different percentages that create the whole meaning of the message, words alone only convey 14% of someone’s thoughts to another. Tone of voice can get 35% of the message across to another person, and non-vocal cues will give around 51% of the message across. We can see that through the internet, the use of words is not efficient on its own, and will eventually bring anger to both sides since they do not feel as if they are being understood. However, in real life when we speak openly with another person, we have a less likely chance of being misunderstood. When we begin to understand each other we are more understanding and loving.
There are five “secrets” of effective communication, all explained in a way that can be applied to any situation. Since we are very defensive when it comes to our own safety, we usually are quick to argue, but with these techniques we can become more understanding with others. The disarming technique is when you find some small parts of truth to what another person is saying. The next part is to have empathy, which has two types, in thought and in feeling. When you are empathetic to another person’s thoughts they realize that they do not have to be as defensive when you rephrase their words because they understand that their thoughts have been made clear to you. When you are empathetic to the other person’s feelings, they will not have to repeat themselves in different ways and the two of the individuals fully acknowledge and respect the others feelings. Another step is to ask if the predictions you had rephrased of the other person’s feelings are correct. This will show that you are willing to understand the other person. When you also state how you personally feel, rather than putting words into the other’s mouth, you are able to express yourself directly. Lastly, you should convey that you respect the other individuals emotions and that you understand why they are mad when you are mad as well.
These techniques are important to use in arguments and in normal day conversations. Everyone will feel heard and understood while still effectively showing their emotions. Showing emotions and choosing to be vulnerable is a human thing, not based on gender. You may fail at communicating to the other people around you but that is the whole point of forgiveness.
The youth are the future of the world. When we find value in a loving family, we can find peace in our own homes.
Until next week!
-Grace Coria
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